As a stay at home wife and mom, I can struggle with feeling that what I do on a daily or weekly basis doesn't have much significance. I can struggle with contentment and wondering if I am meant for "more." What could I be doing instead? I know I am far from alone in that. Ultimately, I believe it's the lies directly from the father of lies that seek to undermine our efforts and breed discontent in our hearts. Whether a Christian wife and/or mother works outside the home or in the home, homeschools her children or has them in traditional school, there is biblical imperative to embrace a feminine role of providing structure, support and love to our families. Yet we also see a clear scriptural warning from nearly the beginning of recorded history in which Satan seeks to undermine God's plan by saying "Did God really say...?" (Genesis 3:2)
"Did God really say that seeking to be a helpmeet to your husband and godly mother could provide satisfaction and contentment? How are you going to actually achieve your personal ambitions that way?"
"Did God really say that this is His intended model for your life? I mean, is that really all that there is for you? There has to be more."
"Does God really want what is best for you? Does He really want you to be happy? Does He even know what would make you happy? You sound kind of oppressed."
Oh, it is so easy to get sucked into the theme of these thoughts even if we don't think them in such a directly blasphemous way. My head knows and is submitted to the knowledge that the Lord does all things well (Mark 7:37) but my heart can struggle against the pulls of this world that tell me I am not achieving much for myself (Jeremiah 17:9). That remaining indwelling sin chafes and fights against the imperative to love and serve our husbands and children. Even in seasons of feeling happy about my work at home, I struggle with the sense of lacking the time to invest in other things that I really, really would like to, like this blog. My heart and mind is one of a writer but there doesn't seem to be enough hours or physical energy in a day. I can embrace my role and fill my days readily. I can read or listen to Scripture, make all the meals, keep the house decently clean, direct a homeschool community, homeschool the children, attend Bible study, bring the children to activities, serve in my church, seek to be a friend and help to my husband but still have a yearning to be more. Busyness does not equal contentment. But is that feeling actually from the Lord? How do I decipher that?
The ultimate spiritual litmus test for our lives will be using the Word of God. We have to test any feelings we have against the knowledge we have of His Word. It is His revealed will, useful and applicable for all areas of our lives (2 Timothy 3:16-17). Constantly evolving culture and our emotional response to it are not truth; God is truth and He left us His written Word that testifies of who He is. We can see all around us in our culture the effects of rejecting God's plan and instead embracing the flesh. I recently read this tweet that was countering the idea that a woman should value her job for the purpose of an actual income. It was okay if the bulk of her salary went to childcare because it was about the skills she was acquiring and her career satisfaction. After all, we don't put the burden on men to care that they are making enough money to justify putting their children into full time child care. It can sound so logical and equitable to the sexes when we view things through culture's lens this way. The intent was to challenge the established gender roles and flip the script on what the purpose of work was intended for. Yet is that God's way? Was work simply intended for self-actualization and fulfillment? I would heartily argue no and reiterate that working to survive and provide for our needs is a result of the fall (Genesis 3:17-19; 3:23; Ecclesiastes 2:23; 4;4). Work is a biblical mandate but it is surely not our Savior. Based on this worldly lens, we sacrifice children's well-being for the advancement of careers, goals and ambitions all the time. How much of abortion rhetoric is tied to idea that a woman needs to have the right to choose what is best for her? It's clearly not about God's best for her or her child but rather her own perceived sense of what is best for her. We live in a world where the vast majority of people want to be the sovereign god of their lives and completely ignore or deny that there is One that is actually sovereign over them.
Sadly, I even see this in Christian women that want to usurp biblical imperatives by becoming "pastors." I believe many of these women do love Jesus but yet they are clearly doing mental gymnastics with hermeneutics to try to justify their roles. I'm not even speaking of progressive Christianity but women that claim biblical, orthodox Christianity and are still trying to thread the needle of this unbiblical position. They say they are advancing God's kingdom while deliberately ignoring His Word (1 Timothy 3:2; 1 Timothy 2:7-15; Titus 1:6; Titus 2:4-5). Yet it can appear logical when a woman thinks something along the lines of: "I love Jesus and want to advance His Kingdom. Surely the best way for me to do this is to be involved in ministry. In fact, I have gifting that would really serve the church well. Actually, I could be in full-time ministry and be a pastor. Surely this honors God because I am doing it for Him, not myself. Doesn't God want me to advance His Kingdom? Yes, He must be calling me to be a pastor." There is a conscience that is calloused to the fact that a woman is not actually submitting to God's revealed will according to Scripture and seeking to advance His Kingdom according to His directives. Simply put, it is a "My will be done" and not a "Thy will be done" thought process.
Maybe you are a wife and mother also struggling and weary of waging war against these thoughts of discontent and encroaching apathy. You're wondering why the Lord has so little for you. Sister, He has so much for you. Don't give in to the evil one's lies. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2). Maybe you are a husband to a wife that has expressed these thoughts and you're just not understanding her struggle. Know this, this is not a weird struggle. It delights Satan to have women doubt their God-ordained roles and try to overthrow God's will for their lives. Cover your wife in prayer and be in the Word together to defend against these thoughts. We need to be armed with God's Word to counteract these lies that can so quickly cloud a Christian woman's thoughts. I want to be clear that I am not criticizing women with career goals or that work outside the home, rather I am challenging the sinful pattern of rejecting God's precepts and doing what is right in one's own eyes. As a couple, the husband and wife will need to prayerfully submit many issues of Christian liberty before the Lord. This can include dividing household responsibilities and whether a wife truly needs to work for an income. Ultimately, this is about a heart posture that seeks to honor the Lord above ourselves.
Sister, take your thoughts captive when the lies start creeping in and tell yourself:
"Yes! God really did say that He is glorified when I take the household tasks before me and do it to the best of my might. I can wash dishes and change diapers to the glory of God." (1 Corinthians 10:31)
"Yes! God really did say that raising children in the fear and knowledge of the Lord is honoring to Him. I can advance God's kingdom right here in my home and in my own community."
"Yes, I can evangelize and witness to all those around me, teach other women, disciple my children, serve in my church or in the mission field and joyfully obey all the imperatives in Scripture." (2 Timothy 3:15; Acts 18:26; 1 Timothy 5:10; 1 Timothy 5:14; 1 Peter 3:1; Matthew 28:18-20)
Combat the lies with the truth. Our joy is not based on worldly ideals of temporary happiness. After all, the worldly ideals are constantly changing. We can chase them and never be satisfied. The Lord wants so much more for you than worldly happiness. We are seeking a joy that is rooted in Christ, our love for Him and advancement of His Kingdom. These things are eternal and will never fade away. What can we do? Obey Him; seek to glorify Him.
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